31st Birthday Gratitude List
I was born October 11th, 1994. My big 3 for fellow astrology lovers: libra sun, capricorn moon and virgo rising.
Birthdays and reflection go hand in hand. They encourage us to acknowledge the passage of time, who we are surrounded by, what’s happened over the last year, how we feel, and what we hope the next year brings.
I used to hate my birthday because I always felt like there was a lot of pressure to “do” and “be” in a way that felt performative? People always ask each other “what are you doing for your birthday” or “how are you celebrating” and I always thought that meant I had to something big, host some sort of gathering, get all dressed up, and be in the best mood ever.
Last year, when I turned 30, was the first year I really allowed others to celebrate me without guilt, without pressure and without expectations on myself. It honestly really healed something deep within me. I celebrated in Omaha (my hometown) and felt absolutely surrounded by love. It was exactly the energy I needed to enter a new decade - to feel joyful, expansive, optimistic, and supported.
This year, as I turn 31 with a baby in my womb, my energy feels very inward - grounded, grateful and nurturing. This will be my last birthday before becoming a mom. It brings tears to my eyes. I can still picture myself as a little girl and I can’t believe I’ve reached a stage where I am now creating a life. This year was full of so many “lasts” but it was also full of a lot of firsts and I’m eager to reflect on them.
I have always wanted to experience as much as I can in this lifetime on earth, but I refuse to run around stressed out trying to “squeeze" it all in. I did that for many years and it left me anxious, stressed and a constant state of fight or flight.
Now, I believe one of the biggest accomplishments in the human experience is having a regulated nervous system, but I still wanted to maximize every day on Earth… so I asked myself, “how can I create a reality for myself where both co-exist?”
The solution will sound very woo woo, but in the last year, I learned how to manipulate time to slow down in my favor. Every day, week, and month feels SO long. My perception of time has completely changed about what’s possible to do, be, learn, achieve, heal and grow in a “short amount of time.”
With all that being said, I am feeling incredibly grateful for this life I’ve been given and I wanted to reflect on what I’m most thankful for as a way to celebrate my 31st birthday. Transparently, I’m going to let these come to me and I’m going to freely write in order as they come.
#1. Clay and I getting back together. At the beginning of 2024, we took a 3+ month “no-contact” break. Although it was very challenging, it was exactly what we needed and a very important part of our story. We wouldn’t be where we are today (individually and as a couple) without the time we took to go inwards and “figure out some things in our own heads.” When we got back together, we both felt like we needed to either be allll in, or let each other go. I am so glad we both chose each other. Clay proposed in August and I am still so smitten that I get to be his fiancé. He was my high school crush and we even spent my 16th birthday together, so to be where we are now is truly a dream come true.
#2. Our home in The Netherlands. I absolutely adore our home here. To say we got lucky is an understatement. There is a major housing shortage across the country so finding a place in our budget, ideal location, as foreigners, that was also dog-friendly, with good natural light, hardwood floors, a garden, and laundry… a needle in the haystack. Everyone we meet here that has asked about our housing situation is so shocked. The craziest part is that I actually found the place before we even moved here and we signed the lease from afar - never having seen it in person. It was a total leap of faith. When we arrived at the Amsterdam airport, I still had a little fear in the back of my mind that it was a scam and we’d actually be homeless. Thankfully, the realtor met us that day and we’ve been lovingly furnishing into a cozy safe space since June.
#3. Already Friends Podcast. My co-host Ceara and I started the show in February 2021 and every single week since then we’ve published an episode. In total, we have almost 250 public episodes and almost 50 patreon episodes. Not only am I grateful for the community we’ve created, I am so glad to have documented my life and personal growth over the last five years. Having to show up week after week has taught me discipline and accountability that has positively impacted many areas of my life. It’s so rewarding getting messages from listeners that my words have resonated or helped them in some way.
#4. The overall sense of calmness and grounding that I feel. As I mentioned above, I lived many years in “go go go” mode and it feels so relieving to be in such a different headspace right now. The other day at yoga, one of the instructors and I were talking after class. She said I have been inspiring her to have a baby because of how grounded I am, because she said she’s seen so much of the opposite - stressed and worried pregnant woman. I was so touched by this perception. When I shared this with Clay, he was like “yeah you have like zero stress. I think you’re the least stressed person I know.” I mean I do feel calm, but I am so glad my energy feels that way to others now because trust me when I say I used to be a ball of anxiety. I guess it goes to show that it’s all helped - therapy, yoga, sound baths, daily journaling, letting go, walks, good friends, a healthy home, loving partner and aligned career - and continues to help.
#5. My secondhand store - 1404 Collective. This business venture started off with two co-owners, one of which was very difficult to work with. I am still a bit traumatized by how manipulative they were and how hard it was to keep the drama a secret so that it didn’t affect our staff and customers. Thankfully, we eventually came to terms with the fact that we couldn’t be business partners anymore. It took months of negotiation and debate, but finally as of August 1st, 2024 I became the sole owner. I paid them off by December 31st, 2024 and began the new year with a fresh slate. Although it was challenging to do this while living abroad, I am so grateful for the amazing vendors that have helped keep my vision alive and are there in-person to implement it on a daily basis. To think this all started because I did a little pop up shop at a cafe in 2019. Now it’s grown to a brick and mortar business that is open 5 days a week, with 15 staff and thousands of customers who are passionate about circular fashion. The staff and community inspire me to stay dedicated to the cause. I truly think it’s so fun to continuous think of ways to improve the shop and execute my ideas. I hope to keep the shop going for as long as possible. If you’re ever in Omaha, please stop by <3
#6. The lessons I learned in Tulum. I lived there from May 2024-May 2025. I have done various other blog posts reflecting on my time there, so I won’t go too into it here. The biggest things that come to mind are that it helped me slow down, connect with my femininity, heal a lot of anger wounds, and deepened my intuition.
#7. My health and trust in my body. My dream is to have a home birth with Hayes and I can only say that because of how much faith I have in myself. I’m 33 weeks pregnant and have only had one medical appointment so far. This wasn’t necessarily intentional but it did encourage me to become very in tune with my body on a daily (hourly?) basis to give it exactly what it needs - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
The lack of appointments happened because Tulum doesn’t exactly have a thriving medical system, then the logistics of moving to The Netherlands, furnishing our home, visa paperwork and adjusting to life on a new continent consumed the majority of my time.
But good news - my visa actually just got approved, so I’m now able to get Dutch health care and a midwife! (woohoo) I have my first ultrasound with them next week and a few appointments between late October to early November to write my home birth plan.
When I first got pregnant, I immediately knew I wanted a home birth. I’m grateful Clay has been incredibly supportive and we’ve both done endless hours of research and inner-work to prepare for that. Hayes’ due date is November 30th so I’ll continue to keep you all updated in this journey. Ultimately, I’m just thankful to feel so connected to my body. Being pregnant has made me appreciate it more than ever and I know birth will expand that even more. Women are freaking amazing! (Men too lol but the honor of carrying and growing a child is beyond special).
#8. How supportive my family is. I am sure I have caused my parents, grandparents and older relatives a good deal of worry with my travels, wild ideas and spontaneous personality but I am so thankfully that no matter what stage I’ve been in… they’ve always been supportive and loved me through it. I’ve never second-guessed my career, beliefs or behavior due to fear of what they’d think or how they’d react. I am not saying they always approve of my choices but they’ve always been there without judgement. My sister and parents are coming over to The Netherlands this winter to support our new journey in parenthood. I am so excited for them to meet Hayes and show them our city.
#9. Peaches - my dog. Through everything, this little dog has been by my side for almost 10 years! As I get closer to bringing Hayes earth side, I’ve been reflecting on how much she has taught me and helped prepare me for parenthood. Her and I have lived in 10+ different homes together, always helping each other adjust. She’s easily been on 50 airplanes. I’ve taken her coast to coast across the US, to Canada, Mexico, The Netherlands, Germany, Austria and Switzerland. On a daily basis, she ensures we go for our phone-free walks, which do as much for me as they do her. I don’t like leaving her alone (and I’m a homebody too) so I’ve structured my career and lifestyle that she can either come with or I do what I can from home. She tags along to the markets, coffee shops, shopping, parks, boat rides, family vacations, bikes rides… you name it, she’s done it! Peaches probably only spends 5-8 hours a week alone (when I’m at yoga, grocery shopping or the movies)… which is what most dogs face daily. I’m not saying I’m a perfect dog parent, but she’s definitely taught me how to sacrifice my desires for her well-being and I think that will help prepare me for the transition of having a human child.
#10. My belief that things can always be better. The other day I asked Clay what my best traits were and this was the first one he said. It is an inherently Libra-characteristic as we’re always seeking to find balance and harmony. It’s not that I’m always unsatisfied with my life, I can just see all the beauty in the world and I know what’s possible. I never want to settle for an undesirable situation when we can create whatever reality we want for ourselves. I’ve always described myself as a curious person and I think that’s what helps fuel my dreams because it pushes me to figure out what’s on the other side of ever “what if” that I have.
I kid you not, I just looked at the clock and it’s 11:11am so I am going to end this here. Clay is taking Peaches for a walk. I’m going to go get ready and celebrate the day however it unfolds. Thank you for taking the time to read my reflection and send any birthday love my way.
